Making room for the Yes.

Last night I wandered around Target for at least an hour. Aimlessly. Picking things up and putting them in my buggy*, and then having a conversation in my head and putting them back. Choosing thoughtfully how I was spending my money. Choosing thoughtfully how I was endorsing products, and fair pay, and sustainable product sourcing, based on my spending habits.

I went for milk and shampoo that wasn’t toxic. I left with milk. And dark chocolate covered almonds. Because after you’ve wandered Target for an hour at 9pm and all you have is milk and a laundry list of bizarre conversations you had with yourself about shampoos and dresses and white flour looking GF tortillas, you break down and buy the dark chocolate covered almonds. Dusted with cinnamon. I’m not gonna lie, the cinnamon sent me over the edge and there was no way I couldn’t buy them.

Anyway. I said ‘No’ to a lot of things in Target. That I wanted. That would have been easy to say yes to. But would have run counter to my values (namely, not spending money frivolously, not covering my skin (or hair) with chemicals or ingredients that make me feel like poop.)

And in the Nos, there were some huge Yeses. Yes to being worth clean ingredients on my skin. Yes to cleaning out my closet and not immediately adding more to it. Yes to knowing where my food and clothing is sourced, and doing my darndest to be a conscious consumer of goods.

I’m learning that it’s important for me to say No, so that I can say Yes when it matters. At Target. At work. In relationships. If I’m just filling my life half-hazardly, it feels reckless, and out of control, and heavy. Like I’m chasing some elusive something – or maybe nothing – because the motivation is out of sync with my deepest Yes.  I don’t just want to be a conscious consumer of “goods” but also – no, more so – I want to be a conscious consumer of life.

At last night’s New Moon Circle, I set my intention for this moon: to listen to, and respond from, the most significant place of me. Not getting distracted by the clutter, confused by the mayhem. But choosing with intention, significance over the daily operations. 

Namaste, in all the sticky and hard Yeses, and sticky and hard Nos. And bless when it’s not hard or sticky. Bless.

*Buggy: Precious Southern Speak synonymous with “cart” or “shopping cart.” Proudly supporting the passing down of “buggy” to my SoCal born and raised children.